Entries tagged with m: tfln

Entry tags:

m: tfln

tfln

01. I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself

02. We are so disgustingly codependent and I wouldn't have it any other way

03. who? i don't remember the names of people i don't like

04. Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread, you can knock them unconscious?

05. [Choose your own adventure.]

Entry tags:

m: tfln

tfln

01. Are we still banned from the library?

02. So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?

03. Sorry, I was preoccupied thinking about crimes

04.Did you pour a hundred fucking pounds of sand in my car last night?

05. [Choose your own adventure.]

Entry tags:

tfln

01. wat do u mean "grappling someone into submission isn't a love language"????

02. Did I throw a brick at someone last night?

03. it's not stalking. it's research.

04. Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.

05. [Choose your own adventure.]

Entry tags:

tfln

01. I don't think my arm is broken, I can still text.

02. i used my iced coffee to ice down the bump on my head

03. The only thing I’m legally classified as is “a problem”.

04. To their credit...when I saw the knife, I did brilliantly pop off with, "what are you gonna do, stab me?"

05. [Choose your own adventure.]

Entry tags:

m: tfln

tfln

01. I'm at the ocean... well, I'm at AN ocean...

02. At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head.

03. Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.

04. The question isn't “why shouldn't I?” but “who's going to stop me?”

05. [Choose your own adventure.]

Entry tags:

m: tfln

tfln

01. like I didn't gracefully walk into these feelings. No. I fucking stumbled and fell face fucking first.

02. so for future reference… it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you and the last communication we had 'oh fuck…'

03. look on the bright side, now you know the number for poison control

04. One of these days I'm going to roll my eyes too hard and I'm going to go blind again.

05. [Choose your own adventure.]

Entry tags:

m: tfln

tfln

01. False alarm. still invincible. :)

02. I gave up trying to understand them years ago

03. I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.

04. It's very finicky. Like baking. Or BDSM.

05. [Choose your own adventure.]

Entry tags:

m: tfln

tfln

01. i would but he’s not speaking to me because i put ketchup in his socks

02. a feather boa and 6 inch heels

03. I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan

04. You missed out on a serious adventure. Cops were called. We put a chicken in someones house.

05. [Choose your own adventure.]

Entry tags:

m: tfln

tfln

01. I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the painkillers kicked in so it's legit.

02. Why did so many of other people's New Year's Resolutions involve ME?

03. You told me I smelled like flowers then passed out on my lap.

04. It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?

05. [Choose your own adventure.]

Entry tags:

tfln

01. The police scanner is talking about you again.

02. Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?

03. I just made doing the dishes into a drinking game. crafty, or pathetic?

04. If I'm legally allowed to go to jail than I should legally be allowed to tell a cop to fuck off. Basic principles.

05. [Choose your own adventure.]

Entry tags:

m: tfln

tfln

01. I asked for a steak knife but the waitress could see in my eyes that it was a bad idea

02. Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity

03. I didn't think I'd get a concussion that easily to be honest

04. I am the drunkest girl in the tree.

05. [Choose your own adventure.]

Entry tags:

m: tfln

tfln

01. I am not morally bankrupt. We’re just having a moral recession.

02. You haven’t responded to any of the memes I’ve sent.

03. You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures

04. Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people

05. [Choose your own adventure.]

Entry tags:

m: tfln

tfln

01. I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!

02. Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.

03. On a scale of 1 to 10 how concerned should I be?

04. Yeah not really sure what I said but I remember "douchebag" and "fuck your own face"

05. [img]

06. [Choose your own adventure.]

Entry tags:

tfln

1. in my defence, you are comically easy to bribe.

2. None of what you just said was coherent.

3. if you ever feel safe, please remember that I'm out there.

4. The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted “do not consume alcohol” while on my painkillers.

5. I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing a knife. It was at my brother, I don't know why they were mad. I know him.

6. [Choose your own adventure]

Entry tags:

tfln

01. it was the kind of night you break several bones and say you were lucky

02. Those words don't go together.

03. Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.

04. Oh my god you tripped and fell flat on your face. There was no "bar fight".

05. I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing ... but I'm leaning toward good

06. [Choose your own adventure!]

Entry tags:

tfln

01. and then apparently I said "and NOW i can feel feelings and they hurt" before passing out.

02. Grab a basket, we're putting a chicken in someone's house.

03. honestly i don't understand how anyone could look at him and think, 'oh yeah, that's a great idea.'

04. He's drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. Should I stop him?

05. do you think "i am going to murder and serve you for dinner if you keep annoying me" is unprofessional?

06. [Choose your own adventure!]

Entry tags:

tfln

01. He gave up on mugging us when we wouldn't stop laughing. Rickon was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.

02. I did not pay anyone not to make fun of you.

03. READ @ 2:20AM

04. There are sixteen boxes of donuts in the living room.

05. i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage.

06. [Choose your own adventure.]

Entry tags:

tfln

01. He went in to kiss me so I punched him in the face. Duh.

02. I'm not sure what happened last night...I do remember the police calling me to find out where I was because apparently at some point I went missing?

03. I'll just distract him with tacos and porn.

04. You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration.

05. Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.

06. [Choose your own adventure.]

Entry tags:

m: tfln

tfln

01. On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.

02. i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage.

03. I refuse to agree it's a bad thing when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar

04. i mean quite honestly i would've boned you the day we met

05. He gave up on mugging us when we wouldn't stop laughing. Rickon was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.

06. [Choose your own adventure.]

Entry tags:

tfln

1. They're call you PBJ boy because you were trying to seduce me with pieces of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich. Successfully might I add.

2. If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn

3. I like being sick. Whatever the doctor gave me is awesome. The walls are waving at me. I never wanna get better.

4. [Choose your own adventure.]