[So not literally always since it had taken him a bit to come over but the metaphorical always of he would come over. He couldn’t just leave things like that between them until morning. Sure they hadn’t resolved anything but establishing this sort of thing seemed really important to him.]
Arya I... Idontwanttoliveapartduringcollege.
[It all came out in a rush but he felt like he needed to just say it before they talked about anything else.]
... What? Honey, I have no idea what you just said.
[It distracted her, at least, from all the serious heavy things that
made Peter being here such a special thing. She was grateful for that, even
if it meant she had to actually look up at him instead of keeping her face
pressed to his chest. That was okay, cause it felt normal, and after all
the TOO MUCH of the night before... this went a long way towards
helping.]
I want to live with you. After high school. I don't want to wait until after college or anything. I don't think I could stand that.
[Sometimes it was hard enough to be apart from her now and even though college was just around the corner the idea of waiting even longer after that was just... no. He didn't think he could do it.]
[Well, that was not exactly what she expected to hear first thing
this morning. She can't well pretend she's not glad to hear it, that's
where she's already been, opinion wise. She was going to do her best to
be... fair. Was that the word?]
But... you said you wanted to wait. You wanted to do the dorm thing and
all, if you could save up enough for it.
That was in the past. I've also said in the past I want to be a firetruck when I grow up and that I'd never get laid so. Past me doesn't always know best.
[Sure some of those things were very different from what he was saying about living together but they also seemed equally ridiculous now that he was here holding her. After a night like last night he just couldn't be okay with the idea of being apart from her for so long.]
Okay, but... I really don't want to change your mind about this but we just
had a bad night and you shouldn't decide not to do something you wanted to
do just because we had a bad night.
Yeah, I promise. The thing is... if I miss out on anything it would be
missing out on more time with you by living at college. I don't want that.
So you were thinking the right thing.
[Oh, thank God. She was about to flat out ask him to tell her it
wasn't just down to feeling guilty, to make something up if he had to
because she couldn't take that, and - not for the first time- he simply did
it before she could ask. Arya exhaled, and burrowed into him a little
more.] I'm glad. I'm so glad. Not that you -
[Not that he thought he'd miss out on anything with her, not that
he'd been upset enough to change his mind completely so quick.] I
didn't want the next place I called home not to be your home too, it just
felt wrong.
The dorm wouldn’t be home for me anyway. You’re home for me.
[Overly sappy and stupid? Yes probably. It did help explain why he didn’t want to try to live in the dorms though, it would just feel frustrated and alien. He was pretty sure he’d be much happier and healthier living with Arya.]
[Overly sappy, sure. Stupid she would argue with. The important
part, though, was that it was sincere, and she never doubted he was sincere
when he was being sappy.]
[Peter knew he'd probably face a little resistance from Aunt May. Not that she didn't adore Arya but she'd be worried that Peter was missing out. She'd also know that she wouldn't be able to change his mind though.]
[She hadn't expected this conversation this morning, but it was a
nicer way of being fully woken up very quickly then she had expected. She
sat up and leaned back against the headboard, smiling down at him and
starting to comb her things through his sleep messy hair.]
Sure. I guess. I don't know much about finding places to live. Or anything.
[But that was alright, they'd figure it out together. No doubt Aunt May would want to help them look at places and probably Arya's parents and at least one older sibling.]
We will be swimming in advice and other people's opinions, I promise. Part
and parcel of the big family. Plus, the internet. We'll figure it out.
[She had assumed they would end up talking about it - whether or not
she wanted to, she could not say - after that bit of good news, but that
phrasing made her feel a little defensive. Like that 'though' implied she
had been trying to stay away from the subject, even though she was sure
that wasn't how he meant it.]
I know. I just... wasn't sure if you wanted or needed to. But I wanted to
say I was sorry again. In person. I should have just listened. I'm sorry
and I'll try not to do it again.
[Because Peter knew that it was his fault. He was the one that went
over to Jeyne's. He was the one that was oblivious. He was the one that had
tried to tell her how to act with her sister. It was just him all the way
down and he wanted her to know he was sorry and it wouldn't happen again.]
I don't know if I want to or need to talk about it either. I know you
didn't want or mean for any of this to happen like this. I know you're
sorry. I don't like thinking I gave you something else to feel guilty
about.
Okay. And I'll just say... it was a good reminder and a good realization of what I need to do in the future. Like... I felt bad about the mistake but I knew you'd forgive me. So if you're good about it I'm good about it.
[It probably said something that the most recurring "argument" they had was over Arya and Sansa's relationship. It was a good reminder that he just did not get sibling dynamics at all.]
I will be good about it? I don't know if I am yet but I think probably a
better sleep would... finish it. It helps that you came over. A lot. And
I'm glad you knew I'd forgive you.
I don't know, maybe? I definitely don't want to get OUT of bed. I know it's
a good thing that both of us wanted to be in the same place while this was
happening but fuck, it sucked while we weren't.
[She shifted, fidgeting with the blanket some, because she very much
wanted to be done talking about this but there was still one... concern
lingering. Fear might be a better word.]
Is it... Last time, this time, do you... do you really think that I'm being
unreasonable or an asshole or - whatever?
[Because the awful thing, the fear, was that if Peter thought that -
Peter, who definitely thought she was kinder than anybody else thought she
was and all around a better person than anybody else thought she was -
then, simply, it was true. And if it was true... then it had probably
always been true and that greatly shifted her view of their childhood
issues.]
[Peter gave her a little squeeze to reassure her that he wasn't going anywhere either.]
No I don't think you are being an asshole or unreasonable. I think...
[He paused a moment to think it over. He knew she wasn't being an asshole or unreasonable, he wanted that 100% clear. What he did think though, without knowing everything, that was a bit trickier.]
I think that what's happened in the past has made it hard for you to think Sansa is being altruistic. I think she is but it's easy for me to think that because I don't have the same past with her as you do. Hopefully you two can work to rebuild that trust but I think it's understandable that it's not to that point yet.
[Arya nodded, and then, finally able to completely exhale, to really
relax - that thought had weighed on her worse than any of the rest of it,
because that she couldn't even try to talk herself out of - she snuggled
back down in the bed.]
![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
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Always.
[So not literally always since it had taken him a bit to come over but the metaphorical always of he would come over. He couldn’t just leave things like that between them until morning. Sure they hadn’t resolved anything but establishing this sort of thing seemed really important to him.]
Arya I... Idontwanttoliveapartduringcollege.
[It all came out in a rush but he felt like he needed to just say it before they talked about anything else.]
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... What? Honey, I have no idea what you just said.
[It distracted her, at least, from all the serious heavy things that made Peter being here such a special thing. She was grateful for that, even if it meant she had to actually look up at him instead of keeping her face pressed to his chest. That was okay, cause it felt normal, and after all the TOO MUCH of the night before... this went a long way towards helping.]
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I want to live with you. After high school. I don't want to wait until after college or anything. I don't think I could stand that.
[Sometimes it was hard enough to be apart from her now and even though college was just around the corner the idea of waiting even longer after that was just... no. He didn't think he could do it.]
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[Well, that was not exactly what she expected to hear first thing this morning. She can't well pretend she's not glad to hear it, that's where she's already been, opinion wise. She was going to do her best to be... fair. Was that the word?]
But... you said you wanted to wait. You wanted to do the dorm thing and all, if you could save up enough for it.
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That was in the past. I've also said in the past I want to be a firetruck when I grow up and that I'd never get laid so. Past me doesn't always know best.
[Sure some of those things were very different from what he was saying about living together but they also seemed equally ridiculous now that he was here holding her. After a night like last night he just couldn't be okay with the idea of being apart from her for so long.]
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Okay, but... I really don't want to change your mind about this but we just had a bad night and you shouldn't decide not to do something you wanted to do just because we had a bad night.
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Well if I change my mind between now and then I'll let you know.
[He didnt think that was going to change though because now that he thought about it it really felt... right.]
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Do you promise? Because I don't want to be the reason you miss out on anything.
And if you promise, I was already thinking that before last night.
[That wouldn't feel so much like a confession, if not for last night.]
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Yeah, I promise. The thing is... if I miss out on anything it would be missing out on more time with you by living at college. I don't want that. So you were thinking the right thing.
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[Oh, thank God. She was about to flat out ask him to tell her it wasn't just down to feeling guilty, to make something up if he had to because she couldn't take that, and - not for the first time- he simply did it before she could ask. Arya exhaled, and burrowed into him a little more.] I'm glad. I'm so glad. Not that you -
[Not that he thought he'd miss out on anything with her, not that he'd been upset enough to change his mind completely so quick.] I didn't want the next place I called home not to be your home too, it just felt wrong.
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The dorm wouldn’t be home for me anyway. You’re home for me.
[Overly sappy and stupid? Yes probably. It did help explain why he didn’t want to try to live in the dorms though, it would just feel frustrated and alien. He was pretty sure he’d be much happier and healthier living with Arya.]
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[Overly sappy, sure. Stupid she would argue with. The important part, though, was that it was sincere, and she never doubted he was sincere when he was being sappy.]
I know what you mean.
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So yeah. Let's plan on living together.
[Peter knew he'd probably face a little resistance from Aunt May. Not that she didn't adore Arya but she'd be worried that Peter was missing out. She'd also know that she wouldn't be able to change his mind though.]
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Alright. We'll start looking after graduation?
[She hadn't expected this conversation this morning, but it was a nicer way of being fully woken up very quickly then she had expected. She sat up and leaned back against the headboard, smiling down at him and starting to comb her things through his sleep messy hair.]
no subject
Sure. I guess. I don't know much about finding places to live. Or anything.
[But that was alright, they'd figure it out together. No doubt Aunt May would want to help them look at places and probably Arya's parents and at least one older sibling.]
Are we going to talk about last night though?
no subject
We will be swimming in advice and other people's opinions, I promise. Part and parcel of the big family. Plus, the internet. We'll figure it out.
[She had assumed they would end up talking about it - whether or not she wanted to, she could not say - after that bit of good news, but that phrasing made her feel a little defensive. Like that 'though' implied she had been trying to stay away from the subject, even though she was sure that wasn't how he meant it.]
I wasn't trying to avoid it.
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I know. I just... wasn't sure if you wanted or needed to. But I wanted to say I was sorry again. In person. I should have just listened. I'm sorry and I'll try not to do it again.
[Because Peter knew that it was his fault. He was the one that went over to Jeyne's. He was the one that was oblivious. He was the one that had tried to tell her how to act with her sister. It was just him all the way down and he wanted her to know he was sorry and it wouldn't happen again.]
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[That made more sense, and she deflated some.]
I don't know if I want to or need to talk about it either. I know you didn't want or mean for any of this to happen like this. I know you're sorry. I don't like thinking I gave you something else to feel guilty about.
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Okay. And I'll just say... it was a good reminder and a good realization of what I need to do in the future. Like... I felt bad about the mistake but I knew you'd forgive me. So if you're good about it I'm good about it.
[It probably said something that the most recurring "argument" they had was over Arya and Sansa's relationship. It was a good reminder that he just did not get sibling dynamics at all.]
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I will be good about it? I don't know if I am yet but I think probably a better sleep would... finish it. It helps that you came over. A lot. And I'm glad you knew I'd forgive you.
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Is that your way of saying you want to go back to bed?
[Because Peter was all for letting Arya get back to sleep if that’s what she wanted.]
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I don't know, maybe? I definitely don't want to get OUT of bed. I know it's a good thing that both of us wanted to be in the same place while this was happening but fuck, it sucked while we weren't.
[She shifted, fidgeting with the blanket some, because she very much wanted to be done talking about this but there was still one... concern lingering. Fear might be a better word.]
Is it... Last time, this time, do you... do you really think that I'm being unreasonable or an asshole or - whatever?
[Because the awful thing, the fear, was that if Peter thought that - Peter, who definitely thought she was kinder than anybody else thought she was and all around a better person than anybody else thought she was - then, simply, it was true. And if it was true... then it had probably always been true and that greatly shifted her view of their childhood issues.]
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Okay we'll stay in bed then.
[Peter gave her a little squeeze to reassure her that he wasn't going anywhere either.]
No I don't think you are being an asshole or unreasonable. I think...
[He paused a moment to think it over. He knew she wasn't being an asshole or unreasonable, he wanted that 100% clear. What he did think though, without knowing everything, that was a bit trickier.]
I think that what's happened in the past has made it hard for you to think Sansa is being altruistic. I think she is but it's easy for me to think that because I don't have the same past with her as you do. Hopefully you two can work to rebuild that trust but I think it's understandable that it's not to that point yet.
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Okay. Okay.
[Arya nodded, and then, finally able to completely exhale, to really relax - that thought had weighed on her worse than any of the rest of it, because that she couldn't even try to talk herself out of - she snuggled back down in the bed.]
Then yes, I just want to stay in bed.
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Then that's the plan. I'm just going to cling on to you here.
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